Loneliness. I recall one Friday afternoon very shortly after my daughter’s Dad dropped the bomb that he was leaving, sitting in my office vaguely aware of colleagues wishing me a beautiful week-end as they hurried off into their lives. I thought how unbelievable it was that life was one way one moment and in the twinkling of an eye, another way the next. It’s the usual cliché, everything I had built up over 20 years suddenly fell apart; it seemed as if a huge wave came over and wiped away all traces of the life we knew. Suddenly other people replaced us. It was like a movie I was watching from a numb body.
Sitting at my desk alone that late Friday afternoon, I sank my head into my hands and wept. However, through all of that I resolved to do things completely differently: I would not follow a route of bad-mouthing, I would not demand money, I would not force him to see his child – it would need to be either he wants to out of love and character or he did not, I would not use our handicapped daughter as a chess game for manipulation, I would not speak about it to my colleagues until I was ready or never, I would not inquire and be curious about his new life. He was none of my business anymore and has the right to choose his happiness. Instead, I would focus on building a beautiful, new life for my sweet Pia and I. Conflict free.
The first six years after the divorce, I used for the restoration of my heart, learn new things and follow my dreams. Some might think that this is an awfully long time to be “single”. It was a very conscious decision. From the age of twenty three I had been in back-to-back relationships that lasted really long, had never been alone, did not know what it was like to completely make my own decisions, go where I want, say what I want. I did not even really know me! Most importantly though, there was my daughter. I did not want her to deal with the instability of men coming or going in our lives so I created a cosy space for us where she would feel comfortable and was respectful and mindful that she too needed time to adjust, to grieve her Dad’s absence from home. I feel all too often, children are so badly neglected not necessarily physically but emotionally as we adults are keen to take care of our personal needs when a partner leaves. It’s hard for children, my heart bleeds for them.
The only way I could approach my new life in a healthy, balanced way was to ensure that my body, mind and soul was taken care of. Each decision I was going to make would come from a point of restoration. So I changed my eating habits. Changed my thought process from fear, negativity and doubt to believing that I have the power, am equipped and able to do way more than I thought I could. Yes, there were and still are, uncomfortable moments; stepping out and putting oneself out there, learning new things, walking down unknown pathways … it’s scary, it’s uncomfortable, it can be lonely. The thing is though, life is so much more than hopping into the next relationship, getting back at someone, rehashing disappointments. I feel that there is too much fear of being alone and it leads us to settle for less, make very poor decisions and very often, return to the same mistakes just in a different form.
In closing, my life now is beyond anything I could have imagined, however, I do want to be real and add that it is hard work and entails alot of falling down, getting up, sacrifice and help. (One of the things I have had to learn is to ask for help which is hard as I value my independents). The secret is to become selfish and to understand that it’s our duty and we owe it to ourselves and loved ones to take care of ourselves mentally, physically and spiritually; allow those who want to leave to leave, declutter – not to “show” anyone anything but to free yourself from the old and move into the new. Decluttering played a huge role in transforming my life. Lift up your head, dry your tears, look!!! – a new day has come.
I used to have an addiction to rice. I’d consume so much of it not realizing that the bloating, listlessness, weight gain not to mention constipation, to a large extent was due to the consumption of rice. It’s taken me at least five years to be able to walk past a bowl of rice and not have it even turn my head. How I did this was with thanks to quinoa. Quinoa is delicious, gluten free, much lower in calory than rice and contains alot of protein and magnesium amongst others. I particularly mention magnesium because it is very good for hair. Quinoa is in principle a seed passing through our bodies much faster thus lighter on digestion than than rice. I’m so grateful to have been introduced to quinoa and my favourite way to enjoy it is seasoned with cumin, salt and curry powder.
I love their imperfect little stout bodies and the life emanating from them. Please support Farmers Markets selling organic products as much as you can because it helps to raise awareness that we are no longer willing to eat food loaded with poison (pesticides) and that we are starting to value the quality of freshly farmed produce.
With a very strong blender, I mixed the inside of a coconut (the white part known as “meat”), with almonds until smooth, added salt and a tad maple syrup which produced a delicious, dairy free yoghurt. I so love how beautiful the shell of this particular kind of coconut is (this is after removing the so called “flesh” and of course, eating it (what else darling). The flowers are edible and later joined some avocado, tomatoes and cucumber in a simple but beautiful salad in the shell.
When it gets to flowers, I can never get enough
4 celery stalks
1 beet (uncooked and because mine was organic, I did not peel)
1 thumb of ginger (or smaller if you do not like the taste of ginger)
∼Juice all the ingredients in a juicer; I like to strain mine to make it smoother∼
This is a wonderful juice recipe and it really tastes delicious. It’s very effective and my sweet Pia and I drink it at least twice a week.
Recipe credit goes to Dan MacDonald Life Regenerator on U-tube; please check out his channel for amazing motivation and food education
Most of us were not raised with mainly fresh food; I see babies all the time munching on chips, bread and fed sweetened juices and store bought baby food. Before I understood a bit more about how important a role nutrition plays in our lives, this all seemed perfectly normal. Unknowingly as parents, what we feed our angel babies, is the start to their bodies being conditioned for poor nutrition. Even after 5 years of eating mostly fresh, uncooked, natural food, I still battle cravings and often, the cravings win but because I have experienced how life changing eating fresh food can be, I’ll always strive to live a fruit and vegetable, mostly uncooked lifestyle. Today’s lunch was a beautiful portobello mushroom filled with fresh greens and a home made, plant based sauce. There are thousands of recipes on the internet under “raw vegan burger” etc.; I just wanted to show how beautiful and tasty eating healthy can be.
Recently I listened to a documentary on Marilyn Monroe; one of the comments that came through repeatedly was that she had a huge amount of self doubt, did not trust her judgement and mostly relied on the opinions of others which of course led to a potluck of emosions and her running to and fro never sure who she was because she was so busy heeding others. Of course, beautiful Marilyn is no longer here and we cannot truly know this was really how she was – it’s after all, once again, just the opinions of others who claim to have known her.
I had a very caring and loving Mum she was, however, extremely dominating. From choosing clothes, boyfriends etc. to going out, those were decisions at the age of 23, I was not allowed to make, when I did and they were wrong all hell broke loose. I felt inadequate, numb – not able to trust my choices so I let others do it for me assuming that I would be wrong anyway. There is such a danger in that. The inner compass gets lost and one never learns to trust yourself. Yes, that does entail making mistakes, taking responsibility and not expecting others to clean up after you. I’ve painfully discovered that making wrong decisions is part of life and a very essential ingredient to personal growth. There have been times when I’ve hesitated, fearful of risk, failure or moving forward – it equated to nothing but stagnation. Sometimes, someone else came along and stole my idea because I hesitated too long and that is particularly frustrating. Whether it’s being creative, a business venture, a relationship of course, be smart, listen to a very selective few who are knowledgeable that’s vital but never lose the ability to hear your own voice, know your own passion, feel your own heart beat. It takes time and self training and improves when one starts to declutter people, stuff, too many opinions and move away from the noise.